Photo Courtesy of senior Ryan Schisler
“How are you doing, Owen?”
Last week, my English teacher asked me this pretty normal question. Normally, my answer would be chosen out of my toolbox of generic responses like “I’m good, thanks for asking” or “I’m alright.”
But, I wasn’t particularly okay. I had two tests that day that were stressing me out, was running on a minuscule amount of sleep, and wanted to do anything but be at school. So I blurted out my feelings. I didn’t hold back and told her the truth. “Well, I’m not so okay…”
And it was relieving. To not have to fake it till I make it was a refreshing experience. But as soon as I did it, I started to second guess myself. Did I overshare? Was she asking me to tell the truth or was it just a courtesy?
In today’s culture, too often we are forced to lie about how we actually are because of social norms and expectations that leave us feeling uncomfortable with sharing our feelings.
As Paul Hudson of EliteDaily puts it, asking how someone is doing is a courtesy nowadays. The person asking the question doesn’t want to hear your sob story, they’re basically saying hello.
Yet Hudson explains that the issue comes when we start to feel this pressure in other parts of our lives that we really value.
“We’ve become so used to lying about how we feel and how we are really doing [to acquaintances], we do so when our close friends and family ask us about our lives,” said Hudson.
And even when we finally break the barrier, and get the courage to share we are uncomfortable doing so. According to new research, one in four Americans feel they have no one that they can confide in. Almost 330 million people live in America, and an overwhelming portion of our population has no one they feel they can vent to.
But that’s a matter of learning that it’s okay to tell someone you aren’t okay. These people likely have close friends or at least a family member, they just perceive their emotions as invalid or not worth telling.
Especially in the time of COVID-19 where 40 percent of adults report struggling with mental health or substance abuse, it’s time to shift our mindsets.
