National “Positive Thinking” Day happens September 13 and San Luis Obispo High School students are brimming with excitement. A quirky, little-known holiday created for people to think positively, Positive Thinking Day is arguably one of the most anticipated days of the year for people who credit their success to “always being happy” and nothing else.

But why should such a great day only be observed by the positivity elite?

 “I have never heard about National Positive Thinking Day in my life,” said sophomore Izzy Nino de Rivera. “I mean, good for you if you celebrate it, I guess?”

  The sad truth is that most people aren’t aware of Positive Thinking Day or how to celebrate it. It doesn’t have to be that way, though. Here are some ways that people can use Positive Thinking Day to change their lives for the better.

1. Become a motivational speaker. 

  Speak at middle school assemblies and tell kids about how they shouldn’t do things. I think we all know someone who had a serious addiction problem until a motivational speaker told them to “stop it; get some help.” 

2. Remember: the best way to be happy is to not be sad. 

  Spend Positive Thinking Day practicing putting a positive twist on every event that happens. As an example, imagine that someone’s great grandmother has just died. Bummer! What a shame! When they’re attending her funeral and grief starts setting in, they should try to come up with some positive outcomes of her death. Outcomes such as how the old hag got what she deserved or how the person is also one step closer to inheriting all of her stuff. They might end up making their family members angry, but the funeral will certainly be a much more fun and pleasant experience (as it should be).

3. An easy way to stay positive and happy is to have no goals in life. 

  Positive Thinking Day is a great time to renounce all hopes and dreams. I know this one from experience.

4. Realize that everyone’s grievances can easily be solved with positivity. 

  Recent events prove how true this is more than ever. Remember when a group of celebrities sang Imagine together? The power of fresh beats caused people all across the world to suddenly realize that they were wrong to be nervous and sad about Coronavirus and the quarantine it caused. 

  Or, alternatively, remember when police kneeled with Black Lives Matter protesters all over the country? How inspiring! The officers’ positive attitude helped protesters realize that they couldn’t possibly be racist because they were willing to kneel and therefore, the criminal justice system was doing just fine (police later celebrated this reconciliation with some fun gas, which they shot at protesters in the same way that athletes shoot bottles of champagne at each other)

5. Think: what’s the coolest group of people around? 

  That’s right, people who won’t shut up about staying positive! Those people who have “Live, laugh, love” in their Instagram bios! Who wouldn’t want to join that club? If a person can be positive about their chances of becoming one of the positive cool kids then they are guaranteed to prevail.

6. Create a compilation of inspirational quotes. 

  Nothing lifts people up quite like discovering that someone famous once said something inspirational. Some great quotes to start with are “It often requires more courage to dare to do right than to fear to do wrong,” from Abraham Lincoln; “The writer is the engineer of the human soul,” from Joseph Stalin; and, of course, from Gandhi: “Vaccination is a barbarous practice and one of the most fatal of all the delusions current in our time.”

7. Why not co-opt an Eastern religion?

  Although there are many to choose from, perhaps the most popular is Buddhism. Taking a religion like Buddhism and dumbing it down to only its most generalized ideas, like enlightenment or harmony, can cause one to feel a sense of euphoria that only cannibalizing an entire belief system can give. Is one a Mahayana, Theravada, or Vajrayana Buddhist? Who knows! What is one’s opinion on the Buddhist concept of hell? There’s a hell in Buddhism? (several, in fact) It’s no coincidence that “relentless positivity” people buy lots of statues and tapestries from Eastern faiths.

  The power of positive thinking, like the power of fossil fuels, allows everyone to enjoy a happy and sustainable lifestyle. Just how much can positivity change? The answer is obvious: everything. It is wrong for people to feel any emotion other than joy. People who falter in their positivity are probably just not trying hard enough. National Positive Thinking Day is a time when even the most pathetic losers can come together and tell each other to be happy and try to fix each others’ problems.